Holding Me Down
by FictionInReality
Summary: Lorelai's thoughts at the end of episode 5.20- How Many Kropogs to Cape Cod?... and her actions afterwards. Total JJ. One-Shot. Complete


_A/N- OK, so I was watching the new episode of GG last night and I was really intrigued by the look on Lorelai's face at the end of the episode. So I decided to write my own version of what she was thinking and what happened after. I hope you like it. Pleeeeeeeeease R&R!_

_Disclaimer: I own a cell phone. They have cell phones in Gilmore Girls... but that does not mean I own Gilmore Girls. Besides, if I did own GG, with the way things have been going on lately I think this would quickly change from a GG to a Sophie._

_PS I'd like some more JJ action on TV, please!_

Holding Me Down

"Your kid is grown, you're young, you'd look great topless. You have nothing holding you back... Ooh! Chick Peas!" Sookie's voice echoes through my head.

I glance sheepishly at my plate. A year ago, I would've sat there and agreed with her. I would've said, "Yes, Yes, I can travel. I should travel" and I would've nodded until my head fell off.

But not now.

Recently, I've really felt like a completely different person. And I can't put my finger on what's different...

Or what's keeping me from agreeing with Sookie.

My parents?

That bridge was burned a long time ago. There's no way they'd be able to keep me here now. Especially not after what they did. My father, not as much as my mother. But Emily and Richard Gilmore have no power over me anymore. The only reason to communicate with Emily is to make sure she doesn't screw up Rory's life.

Rory?

She's all grown up now. College. The newspaper. Logan... that little... Watch it, Lorelai. It's her mistake to make. It took me thirty-six years to find Luke. Well, technically, twenty-eight, but... I didn't realize he was right for me until last May. I don't expect her, at twenty years old, to find somebody that she can spend the rest of her life with...

Woah!

The rest of my life?

Where did that come from?

Luke?

With me?

For the rest of our lives?

That's... actually realistic. I could see that. Now that I think about it.

In our house. With kids. And grandkids. Maybe a dog... A golden retriever. Manly enough for Luke, but cute and cuddly enough for Rory and me.

I can't believe it. I can't believe that I can envision my future with Luke. I've never been able to see what's going to happen before it does. When Rory was born, it was get out and save your kid, save yourself. There was no time to think about what might happen to us. When I was with Christopher, part of his charm was his impetuousness. When I was with Max, I wasn't really emotionally invested, so I couldn't envision the future because I didn't really want it.

But with Luke...

I have time to think about what's going to happen. Because he's always there.

He doesn't have to be impetuous. Sitting and watching TV together is enough.

I really want it.

I'm really happy.

That's why I should stay.

I quickly pack up my things and thank Sookie and Manny, telling them that I'll see them soon, but now I have business to take care of.

I hug my coat closer to myself as I walk briskly towards the diner.

I'm not cold.

I'm a little nervous.

A jumble of thoughts are coursing through my head. _Luke. Future. Kids. Dog. _

All of them are exciting and terrifying- but the good terrifying. Like when you ride Space Mountain for the first time. You're in the dark and you're screaming your head off while you're going up and down and up and down and there's the guy behind you who keeps spitting on your neck while he's screaming but you don't care.

Because you're that happy.

It's that kind of terrifying.

I'm finally able to see the diner and I sigh.

The lights are dimmed.

That means he's closing up.

Perfect.

We can be alone.

As I feel the wind brush against my cheeks, I look down at my feet.

I'm running.

I'm running and I didn't even know it.

I guess my subconscious is trying to tell me something here.

I glance in the window and there he is, his back to the window.

I can see his muscles through his usual flannel shirt.

Today it's his blue one.

My blue one.

The one that he says reminds him of me, and he wears it on the days that he misses me.

He's such a different person behind closed doors.

I knock on the door because I know he's locked it already. He's very safety-conscious.

He turns around and sees me and smiles. He wasn't expecting a visit from me tonight.

But then again, I wasn't planning on it.

Epiphanies can do that to you.

"Hey," he calls through the closed door, making his way to let me in. He pulls the door open and leans in to give me a quick kiss hello.

I have other plans.

I pull him close to me and deepen the kiss. He's shocked at first, but quickly sinks into it, kissing me back with the same passion. Our tongues dance for a minute before he pulls away.

"Not to sound ungrateful, but what the hell was that?" I smile devilishly at him and close the door behind me. Without saying anything, I take my favorite seat at the counter.

Next to the register.

Where I can be close to him.

He touches my shoulder and rounds the corner to go behind the counter.

"Coffee?"

"No, thanks."

He's perplexed.

"No coffee? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Perfect, actually."

"Then why no coffee?"

I pause and consider, trying to find the right words.

"Because... it'll get in the way."

"Get in the way of what?"

"Luke, sweetie, why don't you sit down?"

"Sit down? What's going on?"

"Just sit. Right here. Next to me. I have something to tell you."

He looks at me and opens his mouth as if to say something, but obviously thinks better of it.

He knows me so well.

He takes the seat next to me and I notice he looks nervous.

That's not what I wanted.

I take his hands and hold them in mine as I start to talk.

He looks relieved.

"Luke, we've been going out for a long time now."

"Almost a year."

"Depends on which anniversary you count."

"What?"

"We have two anniversaries. The day of our first date..."

"And the date of our first kiss. The inn. The test run. Kirk running naked down the stairs."

He remembers.

Even the parts we don't want to remember.

But he remembers.

"So, yeah," I forge on. I need to get this out, "It's been a while and today I was sitting there with Sookie and we were talking about that job offer. How we could travel and see the world and sunbathe topless."

"Sunbathe topless?"

"All the European women do it. Keep up, baby." He only blinks and nods. "So, we're talking and getting all excited but then she goes 'I couldn't go. I have Jackson and Davey and the baby. Jackson doesn't like to sunbathe topless'."

"Eww, Lorelai."

I don't stop.

I don't think I could if I tried.

"And she tells me, 'But you can go. You have no strings. You have nothing holding you down to Stars Hollow.' And then it hits me. I do. I do have something keeping me here day in and day out. You're holding me down to Stars Hollow, Luke!"

I say it with excitement, but he seems nervous.

He gets up and starts pacing, avoiding my eyes.

Why would he be nervous?

"Ah, geez, Lorelai! I don't want to hold you down!"

I'm taken aback.

He definitely misread what I was saying.

"What! No! No, Luke! It's a good thing!"

He meets my gaze again.

"It is?"

"Yes! It's a great thing! A fantastic thing! Nothing has ever been able to hold me down. Not my parents. Not Christopher. Not Max. Nothing!"

He flinches as I say each part, but I keep going.

He'll be happy when I tell him what I've realized.

"But you... you have that power over me! I want to stay here with you! I want to be with you all the time!"

He grins a little.

I love that grin.

"You do?"

"Yes, Luke! I do! I do because I love you!"

I finally inhale, possibly for the first time in twenty minutes.

I said it.

I finally said it out loud.

Sure, I've said it to myself quite a few times. And I've whispered it to him when I was sure he was sleeping. Occasionally, I've thought I heard him whisper it back.

But he's asleep.

It's just my imagination.

I think.

But, soon, I can't think anymore.

I feel his lips crash onto mine as he pulls me to a standing position out of my stool.

I sink into the kiss and kiss back, slowly and passionately.

_You're supposed to let your actions speak. _

It's the romantic way to do things, damnit!

We don't need any more words.

We only need each other.

But still, he makes this night even better.

As he pulls away for a brief minute, he mutters,

"I love you, too, Lorelai." before leaning back in and kissing me again, this time less feverishly.

When we pull apart again, we rest each rest our foreheads on each other's.

He speaks first.

"Lorelai... I've felt it for a while."

"Hmm?"

"I've loved you for so long. I just... I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud to you. I've said it to myself. I've said it into the mirror and practiced. I've actually said it to you when you were sleeping," So I wasn't imagining it, "I justfigured you'd been hurt by so many men who you told that you loved them that it might hurt us in some way."

I shake my head and can't help but laugh,

"Luke, I've never told anyone except Rory that I love them."

He pulls away a little bit.

"Really?"

"Really, really."

"But Christopher..."

"I was fifteen. I didn't think you could be in love when you were fifteen, so I didn't say it."

"Max?"

"I never really felt it, so I never said it."

"Your parents?"

"Nice jump."

"Lorelai."

He's growling.

He's so sexy when he growls.

"No, I've never told my parents that I loved them. At least, not unprovoked. When I was a little kid, it was a kneejerk reaction. Then, as I got older, I just stopped saying it. I remember saying it to my father when he was in the hospital. I think that was the first time since I was six."

"Oh, Lorelai..."

"No. No 'Oh, Lorelai'. This is not a 'poor me' thing. Because it's not 'poor me'. I found you. And there's no 'poor me' in our relationship. There's only you, me, and us."

He smiles at me again before leaning in for another kiss.

This time it's filled with even more passion.

We kiss as we make our way upstairs.

And later that night, as we lay in bed, body parts entangled, I whisper to him,

"Thanks for holding me down."


End file.
